Tiresome feelings

So I've spent the whole night doing nothing productive. And I've got a few things that have been bothering me. The biggest one is that I feel like I haven't been doing anything productive. It's bothering me that my husband goes out almost every day to work and I sit around and do nothing. He doesn't want me to get a job because he thinks I won't get to spend anytime with him. But I feel like I've been spending to much time by myself. I need to be doing something with my time or I might lose my mind. I've given my husband some options I could be doing to make some extra money but he has turned them all down. For one you have to spend money to make money, but he also thinks no one will want to buy the thinks I make. I'm a little hurt about this, but I'll just have to find something else to do with my time.

The other thing is, I'm lonely. When he's gone it's just me in here. I do have my friends on xbox live. But they are only online from nine pm to maybe three am if I'm lucky. For the rest of the day I'm crazy lonesome. I spend some of my time trying to find someone awake at such an early hour, or isn't at work. But that doesn't work out very well for me.

That brings me back to why I'm here. I'm pretending like I'm comunicating with someone, even if the only person here is me. And writing makes me feel like I'm doing something with my time. So now that I've got all these things written down and my feelings have been convayed to the best of my abillities, I'm going to try to write something worth reading. Until another day imaginary readers.

Something that just hit me.

Love, it's not something you should hold back. It's not something you wait to give to the right person. It's not something you're too afraid to share because you're scared it won't be returned.


Love is a feeling you should share with everyone, deserving or not. You can't give only a little bit of it either. It needs to overflow on to everyone you meet, so they too will want to share it freely. When everyone feels loved and accepted there will be no more war, no more fighting, no more hate. All that will remain is peace and happiness.

How can you say that isn't something you want to achieve?

Everything up till now; November 14, 2011

It's been a long while. Did you miss me? My last post was in July so I'll see what I can do to get you up to date. First of all I should let you know that I'm getting married. I was ambushed on the top of a mountain by my loving boyfriend and his co-conspirator Jacoby.  They conned me into making a Youtube video. (Video Here) Which I actually finished and uploaded.
Apparently Corbyn had been planning this for a long while. He had asked both my parents for permission. He asked me vague questions about my ring size and favorite gems. (Not at the same time mind you) He chose a sapphire with an almond cut, with small diamonds and aquamarines to highlight the ring. The ring was made with white gold, which is absolutely lovely with the blue jewels. Corbyn told me if I had said no, he would have chucked the ring as far as he could off the side of the mountain. Which would have been terribly sad to say the least. But he didn't have to worry about it. I love this man as much as one person can.
I guess this would be a good time to tell you that I lost that beautiful ring. It was lost for one week. the first day me, Corbyn, and Brianna went through the kitchen, strip searched the clothes I had been wearing.  I had my whole family ripping apart the house trying to find it. I even did a demolition cleaning in my room. This means I ripped everything off the shelves and out from under my bed, searching for my ring. My mom was convinced that it was lost somewhere in my room. I, on the other hand, was not so sure. I was convinced that it had to be close to the last place I remembered having it, which was in the kitchen.  But I kept looking just to be sure. We checked vents, took apart sinks, and even dissembled the dryer. In the end, I found it in the washing machine. My mom came to the conclusion that it was in my pocket the whole time. But like I said before, we checked my pockets, and we did it three times. So it began a mystery and it ended a mystery.  :P

Brecca Dearest

I've been reading my friend's stories. They make me want to sing, or create, build and destroy. Her stories have so much love and pain with just a touch of insanity. The very essences of Brecca. She makes me look at the world in a different light. I find myself looking for the things that she describes so eloquently. I've thought a lot about her recently. I want her to find that man she writes about. I want him to deserve her, and I want him to love her the way she needs to be loved. She's such a sad soul for such a happy girl. I see her smiling but I feel her tears. Her smiles only last as long as her company. When she's by herself, that loneliness might be consuming her. The pain could almost to much to bear. I want that sad soul to find a reason to be happy.

Day 5

Today it's Wednesday. (Which by the way, is a pain to spell.) Still no soda. I spent all day and yesterday with my friend Gabby. I painted, very poorly, two strange pictures . I don't know a lot about painting except that it's a ton of fun. I also made a crappy video about zombies. It was spur of the moment and wasn't really meant to be any good. But I'll get a link in here for everyone to see. (Just as soon as it's done uploading.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFPpEpDyeqE That's just behind the scenes, I'll get the real one up tomorrow. My back is killing me for bending over my canvas for so long. I hope some applied heat and a little rest will fix it all up. That's all for today. See you around. :]

Unexpected Weekend

There's a lot that happened, so I'll begin from where I can remember. Thursday September 2nd, 2010. I woke up around 6:00 am. I showered and mowed the lawn. Then I waited till 2:00 pm, when my ride came to take me to Levan. Levan is a small town about 50 miles from where I live. I spent the hour drive mostly quiet. I must have made the driver uncomfortable with my silence. He made a few awkward attempts to start a conversation, but I wasn't really in the mood for small talk. I did, however, try to answer his questions and smile when he said something humorous. For the most part, I just wanted to sleep. When I arrived in Levan I found my boyfriend watching Happy Feet with Maria. He sat next to me and told me how much he missed me. I love it when he does that. I noticed something right off the bat, he was wearing red. This doesn't seem like much to you, but it meant something awesome to me. Let me just say, he looks damn good in red. But don't take my word for it, I've preserved the moment in photographic evidence.

Maria left after the movie was over, claiming she had things to do. But I believe she secretly wanted to leave us alone. Thank you Maria. Unlike most normal and sane teenagers, we did not start making out the moment she had left. We're more exciting then that. We ate the roast beef my boyfriend had made just for me and watched a movie called Major Pain. I hadn't seen it before and everyone was assuring me how wonderful it was. I liked it, it made me laugh, which is all I ask of a movie. Then we played Firefight on Halo ODST for about three hours. We earned one achievement. After that I stole his bed and tried to sleep at 12:00 am. 
Friday September 3rd, 2010. Next thing I know, I'm being woken up to go fishing. It's 3:30 am. I really just want to sleep, but I get up and dress warmly. Fishing in the morning is cold business. Corbyn, his family, and I all pile into the truck. I grabbed a blanket to be safe. We drive for a while then stop at a gas station. Everyone grabs a biscuit and sausage sandwich, except for me that is. I feel sick to my stomach, but they insist I eat something. So I grabbed a yogurt and a Power-aid Zero. Once we're back in the car I lay down on Corbyn and fall asleep. Soon they're waking me up to fish. I sit in the freezing cold and watch my adorable boyfriend tie a hook for me. I cast a couple times then lose my bait, a couple more and I lose my hook. It wasn't a really great day for fishing. I mostly sat back and watched Corbyn bond with his father, I even ate some of my yogurt. We spent maybe an hour or two trying to catch something. But alas, even the master had failed. We quickly packed up and head on to bigger things. Antelope spotting. It was a couple of minutes before I drifted off again, warm and cozy inside the truck. I was aroused by the excited sounds of seeing an antelope. I was handed binoculars and pointed in a general direction. I didn't see anything but tumble weeds and rocks. Upon further observations, I seem to be in the middle of nowhere. I had no idea of how far we traveled, and not the slightest clue of where we were. I didn't much care really, I wanted to go back to sleep. Corbyn must have realized how tired he was after watching me sleep so soundly. Can't say I blame him. He had just about as much sleep as I had. If it wasn't for the bumpy road, I would have been sleeping with him. Instead I watched the endless landscape. It repeated it's self every few minutes. There would be nothing but a sea of sage and sand, then a hill would appear filled with more sage and more sand, on and on. After seeing eight antelope, four bucks; eleven deer, six bucks and two fawns. It was time to turn back. We stopped briefly to stretch out, then we were heading back. Unfortunately the driver seemed to have lost his way. I don't remember if he found it because we were back on paved roads and I had gone back to sleep. I woke up a few times on the way back. Trucks weren't made for long term sleep. I had a crick in my neck and a pain in my side. We were half way home before we stopped to eat. I enjoyed a lovely quarter pound burger with bacon and fries. Corbyn chose a steak sandwich. After arriving back at his house we both crashed out. It was five o' clock before we were conscience again. We heard how his grandma had fallen down and banged up her knee. We helped her carry in groceries, Corbyn fed the cats while I cut his aunt's hair (didn't I tell you I was good?) We then cleaned and prepared beets for bottling. I was scolded for using sewing scissors to cut the leaves, what else was I supposed to do? I'm not a big fan of beets. After we were done I thought I could sleep again (I know you must be thinking, haven't you slept enough? I really haven't.) I was wrong though, as soon as I took my shoes off, I was putting them on again. Corbyn was taking me shooting. I had never shot a gun before, so I willingly got out of bed to try my hand at it. We went to a quarry. I wasn't too bad, he had given me a .22 rifle. The barrel jammed, and shells had a way of flying out, scolding hot, at you. I hit the target a couple times and stood back to watch him give it a go. He seemed honestly shocked that I was a decent shot. I told him he should be so surprised, I was a world class halo sniper. He said it wasn't the same. I, frankly, don't see why not. Oh well. Back home again. This time I was aloud to lay down. We played more Halo. (I'm a big fan.) 10:00 pm and it was time for me to go home. Corbyn would be taking me this time and Maria would be joining us. She likes to come down to see Brianna. It was midnight when we reached my house, but we didn't stop there. We kept going till we got to Brianna's house.
Saturday September 4th, 2010. Brianna wasn't home. Instead she was a couple blocks away at Smith's. We walked with Maria to go find her, I didn't want to leave Maria alone on Brianna's doorstep. We found Brianna and talked for a while in the street. After a few cars we moved to the side of the road. Maria put her things inside of Brianna's house and we started to wander. We walked aimlessly for a few blocks, then head to a playground. (We're children at heart.) My sweet boyfriend didn't want to trespass. So he waited outside while everyone else played on the equipment. I didn't know why he didn't come in so I went back for him. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable so I stayed out with him. I was feeling sick again anyway. We laid on the sidewalk and made triangles out of the stars. There were hundreds of possibilities but we could only find one equilateral. (We're a strange pair.) After ten or so minutes, we left, this going finally going to my house. It was 3:00 am when we arrived. Thirty more minutes before we were asleep again. I woke with a start at about 10:00 am. It was because I realized Corbyn was sleeping on my couch. I never let him wake up alone. At the same time, I never wake him up. It's kinda creepy, but I watch him sleep. He's so peaceful and quiet. His dreamless sleep and complete relaxation makes me tired. He opens his eyes and looks at me, then closes them again like I'm part of a dream. His breathing becomes more shallow and he stretches out on his arms and legs, dwarfing my biggest couch.  Then he looks at me again, reassured that I'm not a dream. I smile at him. "Morning." he says. I ask him if he's hungry, but he to tired to answer. He tried to pull me on to the couch with him, but there just isn't enough room for both of us. We some how wind up on the ground. With his arms around me I could just about go to sleep again. "Lets get some breakfast." He says. "You're not even hungry" I countered. "But you are." "I never said that." I just wanted to lay in his arms and sleep some more. Was that to much to ask? I guess it was because soon I was up and trying to decide what cereal to eat. (Lucky Charms.) After breakfast we watched TV, until this insistent pounding began. At first I thought it was my little brother Jeff, doing something stupid in his room. But it just kept going. I finally got up to see what it was and where it was coming from. The sound was originating from my back door. Upon opening the door I found three little children. They wanted to jump on my tramp. I was stunned, where did these kids come from? I questioned them briefly, and found that they lived in the apartments behind me. I contemplated further, Should I let them? They did ask. That was more bravery then I could expect from a five year old. But my final decision was not based on merit, no, I decided to let them because one of the girls had my name. (I'm conceded like that.) I called Corbyn over, and we went to supervise this odd request. They needed help getting on to the tramp, and they tired easy. They got off, drank some water, then wanted help back on. It was like a random song on repeat. You've never heard it before and you kept expecting it to change. Finally one of the responsible parents realize their kids were missing. They yelled threats over the fence until the children left. We were still dazed when we went back inside. My mom want to take a trip into the canyon. We were just getting into to the car when one of the kids comes back. Mary, the one with my name. My mom tells her we're leaving and that she can't play on our tramp while we're gone. I wave goodbye as she walks back to her home. My mom wouldn't tell us where we were going until we were already on our way their. (Bridal Vale Falls.) She took us to the park, then told Corbyn and I to get lost. We did, quite nicely. We took a path in the opposite direction of the falls. It said it would take us to the Bonneville Shore Line. But after walk up and up and up for twenty minutes we decide it's not worth it. Great view though. 

 Corbyn was dying of heat, he's hot enough as it is. So we stopped in the shade for a moment or two.

At this point we only have one clue as to where my mother might have gone. So we begin a gentler trek to the falls, in hopes of finding my mother and cooling off at the same time. We get to the top and see no signs of my mother. But we came all this way, so we were going to enjoy it. 

Corbyn found a 'mostly' secluded spot off to the side and out of the way. It was probably left alone due to the wasps constantly swarming by the water's edge. This didn't bother me however. I got comfortable and took off my shoes. The water was freezing cold, it was shockingly painful to my sweltering feet. Corbyn kept his shoes on, but felt the need to splash me. He told me I had it coming, but I couldn't remember why. He sat on a rock a began to make a tower of smaller rocks. I watched him build and even tried to help, but his structure was unstable and weak. (No offense meant, he wasn't trying all that hard) I began to take his tower apart to build a dam. I used the biggest pieces to make the foundation and smaller pieces to steady the larger ones. Then I took mud and tiny rocks to fill the holes. By the time I was done, the water on my side of the damn was five degrees warmer then the water on the other side. I was pretty excited because this meant I could put my feet in without worry. Alas, my mom text me at the same moment. It was time to go home. I made Corbyn carry my shoes, I wasn't ready to put them on yet. I walked down the mountain bare foot. It wasn't till we were at a gas station for soda that I finally put my shoes back on. We stopped to see my grandma, but she wasn't home. Then when we got home, Corbyn and I played more Halo. (I'm obsessed okay?)

Update

It's been a couple days since the last time I posted anything. I've got a lot to report on. First of all my burn is almost healed. It's started to get really itchy and the skin is flaking off, so that's good.

I finished my knitted hat. I used two different kinds of yarn: blue and gray. The shades kinda blend in and out of each other so that's pretty cool. All in all I think it looks like a fairly decent hat. If I saw that hat at a Kmart or Walmart I'd probably get it. 

The next thing I'd like to tell you about is my secret skill for cutting hair. I can't charge anything for it because I don't have a license or something. But I've got this way of making boring hair stand out and look awesome. Don't believe me? That's fine. I don't have very much proof right now. But I'll keep you posted, for now, here's a half finished haircut. 

Okay so technically I didn't do this one. This is the handy work of my dear friend Chelsea. She's going to school to be a beauty technician. Her adopted father is 'very high and mighty' in my face about it. "My girl's going to college, what about you?" I'm not going to college as of this moment. I have no job and no scholarship, therefor no way to pay for it. But does he care? Nope, he'll just keep looking down on me as 'a no good, drug addicted, dike.' It's okay though, his opinion of me doesn't make me any less awesome. I'll always be too kick ass for him to understand. (P.S. I don't do drugs and I'm not a dike.) Chelsea is one of my best friends and I won't be letting some 'better then thou art' get in the way of that. I just wish he wouldn't be so nice to my face, it gives me the creeps.

This is Killian. He is the one being subjected to the haircut. He had to hold really still while Chelsea chopped off locks of his hair and I repeatedly sprayed him with the squirt bottle. All this considered he did pretty well. His hair looks nice, which is a awesome change for him. He usually goes to a salon and pays $20 for some bimbo to give him a bowl cut. The last two times he went, he had the unfortunate pleasure to have the same bimbo. I know as a friend, I shouldn't have laughed at his misfortune. But as a living, breathing person, I could not suppress my giggles when he comes back looking like a porcupine. I'm only human, forgive me.

In unrelated news, I found out that my best friend Emily is pregnant. I was a little shocked since I didn't know anything like that was going on. I almost thought it was a joke. But she's pretty serious about it. She went out and bought books and vitamins. She quit all her bad habits like smoking and caffeine. I'm about 98% sure that there is a baby in there. (I've got to leave a little room for error.) I'm really excited for her though. She really loves kids, although I don't think she was planning on one of her own. I know she'll be a good mommy, and her boyfriend better be the best damn father ever! I know where he lives. It's not really my business to tell the whole world, but everyone that matters already knows. If she doesn't want it posted on my blog the no one reads, I'll gladly take it off for her.

That's most everything that has happened so far. I also cut my boyfriends hair, babysat my nieces, and played Halo ODST. Thanks Zach for letting us barrow it! :)